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Remember that time before children? When you and your partner would have sex whenever you wanted? Then came that magical day when you found out you were having a baby. It can be difficult to make time to have a sex life after having children.
Life became busier. There was crying…and diapers…and sleepless nights. Before you know it, it has been months since you had any time with just the two of you. The children have taken priority in your life and your needs as a couple got pushed to the side. You have to remember that your needs are important too, happy, healthy parents are the best thing for that little bundle of joy.
One of the best ways to keep a healthy marriage is a healthy sex life. Once that baby (or babies) are around it becomes a little trickier to find the time. You have to make the time.
What if you don’t want anyone touching you after having children crawling all over you all day? Some people have a limited amount of physical contact they need and can take in a day. But if you think about it children touch you differently than how your partner touches you.
So how do you find time and energy for sex when there are so many other things fighting for your attention? It just take a little more planning and effort than it used to, but it is definitely worth it.
So how do you have more sex? Or any sex?
1. Make It A Priority
Think of your sex life like you do the other things that need to get done every day or every week. If cleaning the kitchen or weeding the garden is something you can find time for, you can find time for your partner. Your partner and relationship should be at the top of your priority list. Everything else will fall into place.
2. Find A Time That Works
Maybe a couple of days a week you set your alarm a little earlier and get a quicky in before work. Maybe you head to the bedroom before doing the dishes after putting the kids to sleep. If your kids are still young enough, you can sneak away for a few minutes during the day while they watch a movie. There are less important things than your partner that can be put off. You have to make time for each other.
3. Do some things that make you think about sex.
It can be hard to go from feeling like a parent to a partner, so you might need a little help. You can watch a sexy movie or read erotic fiction together. Maybe you can send each other naughty messages or leave each other love notes. Even playful touches between you works. Or you just remind each other of all the great sex you’ve had in the past. Find your turn on and share it with your partner. Communicating with your partner is key.
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4. Take a shower together.
If you have the room, taking a shower together is a great turn on. You get both the visual stimulation and there is something about getting naked and wet together that can be very erotic.
5. Expect Interruptions
OK, you start kissing and you hear a baby cry. You try to ignore it but you can’t. So you go off and tend to them and then think the moment is gone. But it doesn’t have to be. Don’t be put off! View the interruption as a diversion which has increased your appetite for sex, not soured it.
6. Don’t wait until you get into bed to initiate sex.
When you’ve been together awhile it’s easy to fall into habits, like falling into a deep sleep as soon as your head touches the pillow. Sometimes it’s those habits that you need to break to kickstart your sex life. Sex can happen anywhere so make use of the spaces you have.
7. Don’t give up!
You can find a way to make it happen. Know that your needs and your partner’s needs are important and you will function better when they’ve been met. Your planned time may not always happen, life is complicated. Keep at it though, don’t give up! Your partner and your relationship will thank you.
Bonus: Get A Hotel Room
Hire a babysitter or call the grandparents and go out for the night. Go out to dinner and get a hotel room for the night.
(You can save up to 30% by booking your hotel through Travofy (affiliate link))
Spend some time talking about things besides the kids. You’ll still be close by if there’s an emergency, but it will be just the two of you.
Take the time to remember how much you love and are attracted to your partner without worrying about waking up the kids.